then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
