One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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