champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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