Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
