it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
