thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
