Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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