the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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