apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
