if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
