Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
