A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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