In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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