i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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