puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
