I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
