so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
