if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
