She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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