im holly from the hills drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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