This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
