i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
