she was so not down for the gang bang
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
