I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
