your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
