Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
