peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
