when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
