6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
