I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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