Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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