If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
