My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
