In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
