people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
