She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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