4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
