We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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