apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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