I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
