girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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