When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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