We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
