Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
