everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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