i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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