I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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