Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
