You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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