Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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