Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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