took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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