She's JV to your varsity
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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