We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
