i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
