I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
