omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
