Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
