Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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